Earning Your Oxygen

 

As I mentioned in my previous post, Ambivalence, I’ve learned a lot from my cousin Steve. As I said before, he tries to be open minded, empathetic, and look for the good in people, and he has found that the more you know about people, the harder it is to judge them. 

Another thing Steve considers important is what he calls  “earning your oxygen.” The basic requirements for earning your oxygen are what you might guess: supporting your family, and being kind and generous with your time and resources. Steve has worked hard all his life. He’s retired now, but still finds ways to earn his oxygen. One way is by washing dishes at the local animal shelter. Who would have thought an animal shelter would need a dish washer, but it’s a big job. It takes him upward of four hours, twice a week. 

Also Steve has been compiling a detailed genealogy of his and his wife’s family. He’s sent me some parts of it that relate to our cousins, and just that amounts to thousands of pages of data, a huge accomplishment, and a wonderful heritage for our families. 

Over the last several years Steve has lost most of his hearing. I don’t hear so well either, so our biweekly phone calls are a challenge. The good thing about it is that we probably communicate with each other better than we do with anyone else. Steve carries a marker and writing board, but he can’t really communicate well enough to participate in a conversation. Nevertheless, he attends all his grandchildren’s events and takes pictures which he compiles into a folder for each child. 

Since Steve has introduced me to the concept of earning your oxygen, I find myself using it to judge my own actions and plans. I like to play the violin, but I’ve decided that I’m not really earning my oxygen unless I’m using it to give someone else pleasure. So, although I was trained to play classical music, I’ve developed a repertoire of popular music to play for audiences. I recently gave up playing weekly at a hospice facility because as I’ve gotten older it’s harder to maintain my energy level enough to play for two hours. Since then, I’ve felt that I need to do something to replace that effort. I’m considering performing for shorter periods, or applying to be a tutor at the local grade school. 

Earning your oxygen is also useful in judging others. The usual things that we admire or aspire to aren’t necessarily worth much oxygen. Making a good grade, being successful in your profession, winning a contest, being chosen as a leader, having or making a lot of money, being a member of a prominent family, don’t really earn any oxygen. Whether you earn oxygen or not depends on how you use your accomplishments. For instance, if you are fair in your leadership role, and use your influence to benefit others in some way, then you’re earning your oxygen. On the other hand if you become prominent by pushing others aside, or use your position just to attain more power or wealth, then you’re creating an oxygen deficit. 

Earning your oxygen requires no special ability or talent. I know a couple who have a child who is severely incapacitated by cerebral palsy. She can only respond by waving her arms or crying out. Her parents were told that she wouldn’t live more than a year, but she’s now over fifty. She’s a big part of their lives. She goes everywhere with them. All their friends know her and accept her as part of the group. Her parents each have professions and lead full lives in spite of having to spend considerable time and effort in meeting her needs. She’s definitely earning her oxygen. 

I think that earning your oxygen makes you a better person, and by definition it benefits others. I’ve also found that the more oxygen you earn, the happier and more satisfied you are in life.