Ambivalence

 

        
                                

                                                               Steven McLean

I’ve been reading a book - rereading actually - The March of Folly, by Barbara Tuchman. It gives examples of governments’ tendency to pursue hopeless policies, and then to cling tenaciously to those policies in the face of mounting evidence that they are “folly.” The US involvement in Vietnam is one of her examples. 

Anyway, Ms. Tuchman describes Lyndon Johnson, one of five presidents responsible for prolonging our involvement in Vietnam, as a man driven mainly by political motives. This was kind of a shock to me because I had previously read a book published by the Associated Press, Eyewitness History of the Vietnamese War, which describes Johnson as a man of courage and principle, who started the process of withdrawal from Vietnam. 

Neither writer says anything that is untrue. They just emphasize different facts. This caused me to feel ambivalence toward President Johnson, in place of the admiration and respect I had for him after reading the first book. This conundrum reminded me of a principle I learned from my cousin Steve, the importance of being ambivalent. 

Steve and I are close in age and we have similar interests. We’ve never lived near each other, but I’ve always felt close to him, and we’ve always maintained contact. When we were little we saw each other each summer when his mother would bring him down to Pauls Valley to see our grandmother. As we got older we went camping together, and when we were in college we corresponded by mail. When I was in practice, he travelled a lot selling oil field equipment, and sometimes when I was off he’d come by and we’d spent the day talking as he drove from one well to another. Now that we’re older and somewhat disabled, we still get together by phone every other week and chat about whatever comes to mind. In fact, we’re scheduled to talk tomorrow night. 

Steve is one of those people who are always interested in something. When we were kids he collected stuff: stamps, rocks. He lived in Texas, where not much grows except cacti, so he became interested in cacti. He took me out into the desert once and showed me a dozen or more varieties of cacti.  When his parents took him on road trips he would have them stop at all the historical markers, and he made special trips to mines in Texas, Arizona, Colorado and Mexico, collecting different minerals. In college, he majored in geochemistry, specializing in clay minerology, and he amazed me with the different uses for clay. Slick shiny magazine covers for one thing. He did a survey once of a potential site for a landfill for hazardous waste. I learned from him that landfills should be bordered by clay deposits so the toxic waste can’t leak out into the ground water. His geochemical studies revealed a clay mineral type that was previously unknown in Texas, and was forming in a unique environment. 

I’ve learned a lot from Steve over the years, and I still do, when we talk every other Friday night. He isn’t just interesting for all he knows, he also has a lot of wisdom too. One of the things he takes pride in is being ambivalent. He believes that the more you know about people, the less sure you can be about your opinion of them. More knowledge makes you more empathetic, but it also raises more questions about their motivation and judgement. So Steve tries to be open minded, and he looks for the good in people. He told me, “I am the most judgmental about people who are judgmental.” 

I have a tendency to jump to conclusions, but I’ve found some scientific research that backs Steve up. Studies have shown that while people with strong opinions often get their way, an organization is more productive, and the people are happier and feel more fulfilled, when differences of opinion are encouraged. I’ve come to believe that is an important principle, especially in these times when the population seems so polarized. I learned that listening to NPR radio, while Steve figured it out on his own, with an assist from Pollyanna, his favorite movie (he added).