More Loose Ends

Looking back on my last few posts, they don't seem any more connected than my first few. I guess it's part of the grieving process, but memories of my mother keep popping into my head kind of at random. Hopefully it's not too confusing to skip around like this. It might be a good way to get across the idea that Jim was a very complicated multifaceted person.

I had intended to go back and talk about the family's origins, to kind of follow up on my post about our Indian heritage, but I started thinking about the strength of Jim's character, and how she was able to give a feeling of security to me as a child, as well as to my kids, as illustrated by the story of Donald's nightmare about the lions.

I did then get back to the subject of our family history, summarizing the stories Jim told me when I was little, when she was trying to instill in me the same pride she felt in our ancestors.

In the middle of these entries I made a trip home to deal with Jim's estate, to decide what to save and what to sell, so I posted a blog about how hard it was to part with anything that was hers.

The stories Jim told me about her childhood are my favorites. They tell about her life when she was still a carefree child, before her life was burdened by hardship and struck by tragedy, but I don't have many pictures of Jim as a child. The family picture taken when she refused to stand with her brothers and sister is therefore a special treasure, so I wanted to show it. I think it says something about Jim's personality, and it gave me an opportunity to give a brief description of each member of her family at that time.

I could hardly show the picture of Jim as a child without telling about some of her adventures. It was always hard for me to imagine Jim as an ornery undisciplined little tomboy because she was always so strict and disciplined as a mother.

Telling about Jim's fights led me to a description of Mamma's methods of discipline. I didn't want to give the impression that Jim and Bob misbehaved without being punished. Actually Jim claimed that Mamma was quite strict, and that she and her brothers and sisters were usually polite and well behaved.

Be that as it may, none of the Paul children were inhibited in any way. As my cousin Steve put it, "They all had strong personalities."